Chronic Pain and Happiness

Being happy is a difficult challenge for most of us. It is a state of mind, an intangible state of being. No one other than yourself can say whether or not you are happy. But what about those people who have the added challenge of living with chronic pain? These are people who are not dying from their illness, but rather live a life with some element of ongoing pain.

Working as a health professional I come across many people who experience some sort of chronic pain condition. Arthritis, phantom limb pain, recurrent migraine, chronic back pain, diabetic nerve pain; the list goes on. There are so many people who have these conditions, yet while doctors do everything they can to relieve the ailments, sometimes these conditions cause symptoms that some people just have to learn to live with.

If someone punched you in the stomach, or you stubbed your toe or banged your head; in that moment it is highly unlikely that you will feel happy. While this may hurt for a short while and makes you feel a bit sore, this pain will go away. This is acute, short lived pain. For people with chronic pain, their pain is ongoing and has varying degrees of severity. Being in pain is a miserable experience, so how do people with chronic pain manage to be happy?

Happiness means different things to everyone, as does pain. Experiencing pain, like happiness, can only be described by the person feeling it. No one can measure or record someone else’s pain experience.

Pain management is such a complex issue, and emotional well being has a major effect on how well a person lives with their pain.  Understanding pain, learning coping strategies, taking medication, practising relaxation techniques, exercising as appropriate are all regarded to be essential in the management of chronic pain.

As we all know, happiness is a different state of being for each individual. Living with chronic pain does not make being happy impossible, far from it.  Being able to move freely or perhaps not experiencing any pain one day might be things that elate chronic pain sufferers. 

For pain sufferers, the extent to which each individual manages their pain has a huge effect on their happiness. Chronic pain management is a complex issue, and sufferers should seek help from their doctor or therapist, as there is no need for anyone to face chronic pain alone. 

Quote of the day

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" - James Dean

I love this quote by James Dean. So very apt coming from someone who appeared to live by this attitude who had his life cut short by a car accident at such a young age (at 24 years old). It is an appropriate reminder that no matter how bad a day you may be having, you never know which day could be your last. Don't waste time having bad days, work on what you can do to make your day better. Be happy for today, and dream for the future. 

Fitting In

I was out the other evening with a large group of people at a function. As a shy person, I’m not really one for flourishing under such conditions. I have a soft voice so even when I chat to people it’s hard for them to hear me. And in a crowd, I tend to get drowned out.  Everyone was drinking, with an open bar nothing less is expected. At one point in the evening a drunk version of one of my colleagues said this exact phrase to me: “Have a drink, come on, what’s wrong with you?”

I don’t really drink much alcohol. It just doesn’t do much for me. I might have a glass of wine occasionally but I’m not that fussed. I rarely drink when I go out because quite frankly it’s overpriced (yes I know it was free in this instance) and I tend to get sleepy from just one drink.  

This flippant comment really upset me that evening. This person has known me a long time and knows I’m not one for drinking, and I always get frustrated having to explain over and over again why I don’t drink.  It’s clear to see why so many people drink even when they don’t really want to. They want to fit in and not have people start interrogating them about why they aren’t drinking. Society says that drinking alcohol is normal; therefore if you don’t do you must be abnormal. 

How often do we do things we really don’t want to just to make other people happy? My colleague couldn’t really care less about me, or my reasons why I don’t really drink much. If I had just been holding a drink in my hand and not drinking it I would have been seen to be behaving how he wanted me to, and I probably would have avoided any upset.  If I had started drinking just to appease him then that would make him happy, not me.

Not behaving in a way that the people around us want us to can make it hard to fit in. Since I don’t enjoy getting drunk this is one of the many reasons why I don’t spend too much time with people who just want to go out and get drunk.  There is no enjoyment in being sober around drunken people!

As far as I can tell, choosing not to drink doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with me. Far from it, but I let this flippant comment upset far too much for my own good! From this experience there are a few things to be learnt:

1.  Drunk people are stupid and insulting

2. Try not to care about what people think of you; especially people of little importance.

3. Don’t let other people alter your behaviour. Make your choices for you, and what will make you happy.

Ultimately, you only live once so stop wasting time with people who make you feel miserable, and spend time with those who contribute to your happiness. 

Happiness Quote

"Gather the crumbs of happiness and they will make you a loaf of contentment."

--Unknown

Making Choices

Today I attended my cousin’s wedding.  In amongst the readings and the vows, the priest took the opportunity to discuss why we make choices. His view is that ultimately we make choices that we believe will make us happy. We don’t tend to make choices that will make us worse off.

Making everyday choices

Looking at the choices we make every day, we all act in a way that will contribute to our happiness. We decide what to eat for breakfast.  We might be on a diet, so we eat something that we think will be a healthy start to the day. By eating healthy, this should help with weight loss and this will then make us happy. We have a shower, which we do to keep clean, and make us feel refreshed. We choose our commute to work. We might use public transport because it is cheaper and more convenient. This saves money, which improves our life. Or we might choose to drive a car for a less crowded commute if we have free parking. All these small decisions are made automatically every day.

Not all choices are good choices

Every choice we make has some element of consideration of our happiness, wellbeing, or enjoyment. It can be a small decision, or a huge decision. This doesn’t mean all people make good choices. The person who chooses to steal a car is thinking they can go for a hoon and have a good time; or maybe they want to sell it for cash. By making this choice, there is something in it for them that they think will contribute to their happiness.  They don’t make such choices thinking about the consequences.

The power of choice

As we have this incredible power to make choices, we can all try to put a bit more conscious effort into our decisions, however small or large. Some choices take an instant,  especially those driven by our survival instinct. For example we choose to put our foot on the brake if something crosses in front of our car, without giving this decision any conscious thought.  But for the majority of choices we make, if we actually put some more thought into the decision making process, however small or large, there is a huge potential to make better choices, that will contribute to our happiness. 

Living with regrets

To regret  is “to feel sad, sorry or disappointed over something that has happened or been done”. We have all experienced regret over something that has happened in our lives.  It may be something small like regretting the last drink of the night the morning after; or it could be a decision that was made that completely altered  our life. Having regrets has a major effect on our happiness, as we are powerless to change those events  that have already happened.

Making choices

If you have made a decision that you regret, that is a choice that stays with you for your whole life. There are two options for dealing with regret – accept what has gone before and focus on how you can live with what has happened (or not happened); or you can continue feel awful about the decision  you made. As hard as it can be sometimes to move forward, there really is no other choice.

I have often regretted choosing to study pharmacy at university.  At the time it seemed like a good decision, but in recent years job prospects have thinned out and wages have fallen. There were days where I was really quite upset about the lack of opportunity, especially given how hard I worked to achieve good results.

Regrets and "what if"

When we have regrets, we often think of how much better our life would be if we had made a different choice.  How often do we ever think that the alternative life to what we are currently living might have been worse? Not too often I think. We all like to believe that “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence”.  I thought this way about my situation, if I had studied a different course then I would have better job opportunities and be better off overall.

So I made a choice. I got all my qualifications required to be registered as a pharmacist, but then not wanting to settle for what was on offer, I kept studying to gain additional qualifications. After to applying to every pharmacy in the city for a position, I got lucky and landed my first position. I worked hard for a couple of years, got additional qualifications and then applied to work in hospital pharmacy. Eventually I had enough experience and additional training that the time came where I was successful in my application for a particular position. Now I love my job, I work with a great team and I am happy with my potential for career progression.

I could have chosen to give up on pharmacy all together and go back to university, but I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t  be living in my first own,  I wouldn’t have ever met my partner, I wouldn’t have known some of the great people who have become my friends. It’s so easy to think “what if”, and ignore all the good things that have happened along the way.

Accepting choices

If you make a decision and later regret it, do something about it. If that choice is stopping you from being happy, it may be time to reassess what you can do to live with your choice.  Take steps to put the decision in perspective – was it really that bad? How can you go about making it easier to live with this decision? At the end of the day you cannot change what has already happened, but there is no reason to let regrets be emotional burdens that you carry forever.

If we were all perfect, we would always make the correct choices that lead us to a life of happiness. We are by no means perfect, and sometimes we make “bad” choices. Focus on what can be, not what could have been. The past cannot be changed, so the only choice is to move forward , as to live a life burdened by regrets is to live an unfulfilled life.

How relationships contribute to happiness

Humans are a social species that have evolved to seek out relationships. From the moment we come into the world, we are thrust into a world of interaction with other people. As a species, we need to be connected to others. We need to feel accepted, needed and that we belong.  The relationships we have throughout are lives significantly contribute to our happiness.

Having meaningful relationships with other people is essential to our happiness. This should not be interpreted to mean that we need other people to make us happy, far from it. From the moment we are born, we begin our relationship with our parents. As we grow older, we form relationships with our family, seek out friends in the playground, and seek out a partner to share our life with. We have professional relationships with co-workers and mentors; and then we have a relationship with our own children; and the cycle continues.

Relationships need to be nurtured, sometimes they can be extremely hard work. In any relationship, you are seeking something from the other person and they something from you. You may seek love, acceptance, respect. You may want to feel useful and needed. We all view relationships from our own perspective. How one person views a relationship and what they are seeking from it can be different to the other’s point of view.  When there is a mismatch in expectations from a relationship, this can be when problems start to occur.

Relationships are the foundation of human existence. We cannot live without them. Being connected to others emotionally, intellectually and physically can bring us profound happiness; if we are careful in choosing those relationships to nurture and those to sever. Sometimes we might take our relationships for granted, something we have hall been guilty of at some point in our lives.  To decide if a relationship is worth nurturing, think of how you would feel if that person was not in your life at all.  Fairly soon you can come to the conclusion as to those relationships you value and those that you could live without.

Having meaningful relationships contributes enormously to having a happy and fulfilling life. Being connected to people who are there to savour the good times and support us in our weakest moments helps keep us strong. Creating these connections takes a great deal of hard work, but it is work of the most rewarding kind. A life without meaningful relationships is a hollow existence.

The dollar value of happiness

We spend a lot of our lives working hard to earn money. We spend it to live a comfortable existence, to keep a roof over our heads, to have food in our stomach and clothes on our back. We pay all the bills and then ideally we might save some money. After all that is accounted for, we make choices as to what we spend the rest of our money on.

Why do we feel the need to spend our disposable income? Essentially we want to enjoy life and therefore we seek out items and activities which we believe will make us happy.  When we go to make a purchase, we do so for a reason.  It might  be something we need, such as a new fridge. No one wants rotten food in the house!  Or it might be something we want, like a new bike. Different people are obviously going to “want” different things, because we all have varying interests, beliefs and values. These factors then give us our perspective on what we believe is going to bring us happiness.  

Say you buy the family a set of bikes. If this then leads to countless bike rides, riding on holidays and spending time together; then this is the ideal scenario of quality use of disposable income. The money you have spent has not only bought a physical, tangible object; it has also created an opportunity to create memories together, and keep active and healthy.  

If however you buy the bikes and they sit in the shed gathering dust,  you probably aren't going to feel all that fulfilled with your purchase. There may be the initial excitement of having something shiny and new; but this initial satisfaction soon fades.

We have all made these types of purchases, often made with the best of intentions that by purchasing that object somehow this will make us happier and more fulfilled with our lives. We don’t often part with our “leisure money” unless we think there will be some enjoyment to come out of it.

After having a look at the items I have purchased over the years, there are some I can identify as being more valuable to me than others.  I am by no means a spendthrift, but there are some items I look at and I think “why did I bother”, as they haven’t created the happiness I had hoped they would.

Happiness comes from dreaming, creating and achieving; not from having.  There are a plethora  of quotes on the topic. “Money doesn't buy happiness” is one such quote that obviously comes to mind.  If you use your money carefully, and spend it wisely, it can give you opportunities to create your own happiness. 

5 ways to deal with negative people

As human beings we create the environments in which we live, work and play that can either nurture or harm us. We respond to people and situations in our environment, which triggers how we feel and behave.

How many of us are fortunate enough to have truly positive influences surrounding us each day? I’m sure that we all have a friend, family member or co-worker that is Captain Negativity.

It’s easy to notice the difference in how we feel when we spend time with people who are positive compared to those who are pessimistic and look on the downside of life.  If you are constantly surrounded by these types of people you may not even realized just how much they are bringing you down!

You don’t have to be surrounded by impossibly perky people notice the difference.  Just notice how you feel after spending time with a friend who is always talking about what is wrong with their life, and finding the faults with yours; compared to how your feel after spending time with a friend who focuses on the good things life has to offer? Maybe you are one of those negative people – pay attention to your conversations and notice how often you comment in a positive way or a negative way. If you notice you are predominantly negative, perhaps it’s time to do something about it!

You can’t avoid negative people, especially if they’re a close friend or family member. But you can prevent them sucking the life out of you! Negativity is a highly contagious disease that you don’t want to catch; as once you've got it it’s a tough bug to get rid of.  Here are five ways to deal with the negative people in your life.

1. Limit your time with pessimism

If you have to spend time with negatively focused people, limit your time with them where you can.  The less time you spend with these types will give you more opportunity to spend with people who actually make you feel good.

2. Change the topic

Some people are genuinely having a hard time with some issues, and have a right to be negative to an extent.  Listen for a considered amount of time, and then try to change the topic to something that is less likely to promote a negative response. 

3. Don't get drawn into the negativity

While your friend is on their negativity rant, it’s easy to start thinking about all the things you don’t like about your life. Your job isn’t super great, you need a new car, and your latest hair cut is awful. The two of you will just start comparing the negatives in your lives, and end up in a competition as to who is worse off! Having a wallow in a pit of negativity may make you feel better for five minutes, but then you’ve just put yourself in a downer mood for the rest of the day

4. Balance out your time with positive people

It would be impossible for any of us to be surrounded by positive people 100% of the time. If you know you’ll be spending some time with a friend who you know brings you down, balance out your day by talking with others who are slightly more inspired with their lives.

5. Don't let others tell you how to feel

Negative people love to share, and tend to find it easy to focus on the negatives. You might have just got a new car that you are really excited about, but they might be more focused on how much you’re going to have to repay in interest. Not only is that not their problem, unless they are offering a way to help you reduce it they are just taking a good thing for you and reminding you of a downside. Never let anyone tell you what you feel, and don’t let anyone pass their negativity onto you!

Having valuable, positive relationships is highly important in contributing to our overall happiness. If you want to be a happy person, your environment needs to include people who are contributing to your happiness, and not drowning you in their negativity.  Happiness is just as contagious as negativity, it’s just not as abundant. You can’t completely avoid negative people, but you can prioritise which relationships bring positivity and happiness into your life and nurture them. 

The power of music

Why does music make us feel so great?

When you hear a great song that you love start to play, it just makes you feel better and improves your day. You know that feeling, when you’re sitting in traffic and the station decides to play one of your favourites, you can just feel your mood lift.

A song you love + the power of your brain = why a favourite song provokes such a strong emotional response.

The brain is a powerful thing, and it is affected by music in many ways. It's official music and our mood are definitely linked. Scientists have done studies that have shown how listening to different types of music affects our mood and perceptions of the world. This is an extremely powerful neuro-biological link that we can harness to alter our mood and contribute to our happiness.

We are all wired differently, which is why a song that you love, your partner hates and your father can't stand at all. Our brains process aspects of music such as melody, rhythm, pitch, lyrics differently; so someone who has a preference for rhythm and blues music is unlikely to feel incredibly happy by listening to top 40 pop music. 

How you feel too affects how well music can work its magic on you. For example, even though you may love a particular song, sometimes it just doesn't hit the spot if it's not suited to your mood. If you love a good power ballad, it’s just not going to do it for you when you are working out and want some motivating, energetic music. Similarly, a song you might not like much normally may be fantastic to listen to for increasing your motivation when you're pumping it on the treadmill. 

Music is strongly linked to memories. You might reminisce on your wedding day when you hear the song you danced to get played. You may feel sad when you hear the song that played at your Grandma's funeral. In the middle of winter, playing songs that remind you of summer and warmth can help to keep you out of a winter funk.

While we can probably all agree that music is pretty awesome, remember to unplug from time to time, as there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. The pleasurable effects of music will be less effective if you are constantly surrounded by it.

I always knew music was great and an essential ingredient for the happiness recipe. Here are five of my favourite songs that always put me in a good mood and make me feel good. 

1. "White Flag" - by Dave Barnes

2. "The Beat" - by Ben Rector

3. "Fallin' For You"  by Colbie Caillat

4. "Hanginaround" - by Counting Crows

5. "Red" - Taylor Swift

I may like these songs, the rest of you may or may not, it will depend how you’re wired! What songs lift you up when you’re having a bad day? What songs make your body want to sway and get your toes tapping? What music is in your happiness recipe?

How to maintain a positive state of mind

The ability to be positive in any situation significantly contributes to being happy. I'm sure you've come across those people, who, no matter what the situation, seem to be able to find something positive about it. Everyone else around them may be moaning and grumbling, but they just manage to smile carry on. For some people this ability might come naturally, but I would think that for many people it is a learned talent.

It is hard to be positive; it is easy to be negative. It is how humans work. Take a look around you and listen to people's conversations. People constantly look for the negative, point out faults and have a downcast attitude. Being positive takes energy, and a little bit of effort.

I know myself when I'm faced with something challenging, or even something good it’s easy to be negative. At the moment I'm moving house, and whilst being in my own home for the first time is exciting, I'm struggling to think past the packing...and then the unpacking! It's just so easy to spot the negatives, the difficulties, the challenges; rather than identify and relish the positives.

So I've done some investigating this week and I came across this post at The Wellbeing Revolution about how to consistently maintain a positive state of mind. Author James McWhinney points out some key factors necessary to maintain positivity, including practicing gratitude, journaling, exercising, meditating, performing random acts of kindness and looking for something positive in every person and situation you encounter. Performing these tasks every day may take some effort, but there it is again, positivity doesn't come naturally to most of us, but I'm willing to learn and give it a go!

What is happiness?

How would you describe "happiness"? What does "being happy" mean to you? The definition of happiness as per the Merriam Webster online dictionary is "a state of well being or contentment".  I believe happiness is indefinable,  rather it is something intangible that means so many different things to different people.

For starving people in it means having something to eat, for people in war torn countries it might mean not being under attack. Western society seems to have a much broader definition of happiness, where our individual, social, physical and emotional needs are met to our satisfaction. And even then, we may have lots of things to be happy about, but we still are not happy. We are obsessed with success, looks, money and power with the belief that we need these things to make our lives better.

I'm starting this blog to ponder the happiness question. To learn for myself what does happiness mean and how I can develop as a person.

I'm not an unhappy person, but I'm intrigued to discover how to learn to be truly content with what life offers.

What does happiness mean to you?