Quote of the day

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" - James Dean

I love this quote by James Dean. So very apt coming from someone who appeared to live by this attitude who had his life cut short by a car accident at such a young age (at 24 years old). It is an appropriate reminder that no matter how bad a day you may be having, you never know which day could be your last. Don't waste time having bad days, work on what you can do to make your day better. Be happy for today, and dream for the future. 

Fitting In

I was out the other evening with a large group of people at a function. As a shy person, I’m not really one for flourishing under such conditions. I have a soft voice so even when I chat to people it’s hard for them to hear me. And in a crowd, I tend to get drowned out.  Everyone was drinking, with an open bar nothing less is expected. At one point in the evening a drunk version of one of my colleagues said this exact phrase to me: “Have a drink, come on, what’s wrong with you?”

I don’t really drink much alcohol. It just doesn’t do much for me. I might have a glass of wine occasionally but I’m not that fussed. I rarely drink when I go out because quite frankly it’s overpriced (yes I know it was free in this instance) and I tend to get sleepy from just one drink.  

This flippant comment really upset me that evening. This person has known me a long time and knows I’m not one for drinking, and I always get frustrated having to explain over and over again why I don’t drink.  It’s clear to see why so many people drink even when they don’t really want to. They want to fit in and not have people start interrogating them about why they aren’t drinking. Society says that drinking alcohol is normal; therefore if you don’t do you must be abnormal. 

How often do we do things we really don’t want to just to make other people happy? My colleague couldn’t really care less about me, or my reasons why I don’t really drink much. If I had just been holding a drink in my hand and not drinking it I would have been seen to be behaving how he wanted me to, and I probably would have avoided any upset.  If I had started drinking just to appease him then that would make him happy, not me.

Not behaving in a way that the people around us want us to can make it hard to fit in. Since I don’t enjoy getting drunk this is one of the many reasons why I don’t spend too much time with people who just want to go out and get drunk.  There is no enjoyment in being sober around drunken people!

As far as I can tell, choosing not to drink doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with me. Far from it, but I let this flippant comment upset far too much for my own good! From this experience there are a few things to be learnt:

1.  Drunk people are stupid and insulting

2. Try not to care about what people think of you; especially people of little importance.

3. Don’t let other people alter your behaviour. Make your choices for you, and what will make you happy.

Ultimately, you only live once so stop wasting time with people who make you feel miserable, and spend time with those who contribute to your happiness. 

Making Choices

Today I attended my cousin’s wedding.  In amongst the readings and the vows, the priest took the opportunity to discuss why we make choices. His view is that ultimately we make choices that we believe will make us happy. We don’t tend to make choices that will make us worse off.

Making everyday choices

Looking at the choices we make every day, we all act in a way that will contribute to our happiness. We decide what to eat for breakfast.  We might be on a diet, so we eat something that we think will be a healthy start to the day. By eating healthy, this should help with weight loss and this will then make us happy. We have a shower, which we do to keep clean, and make us feel refreshed. We choose our commute to work. We might use public transport because it is cheaper and more convenient. This saves money, which improves our life. Or we might choose to drive a car for a less crowded commute if we have free parking. All these small decisions are made automatically every day.

Not all choices are good choices

Every choice we make has some element of consideration of our happiness, wellbeing, or enjoyment. It can be a small decision, or a huge decision. This doesn’t mean all people make good choices. The person who chooses to steal a car is thinking they can go for a hoon and have a good time; or maybe they want to sell it for cash. By making this choice, there is something in it for them that they think will contribute to their happiness.  They don’t make such choices thinking about the consequences.

The power of choice

As we have this incredible power to make choices, we can all try to put a bit more conscious effort into our decisions, however small or large. Some choices take an instant,  especially those driven by our survival instinct. For example we choose to put our foot on the brake if something crosses in front of our car, without giving this decision any conscious thought.  But for the majority of choices we make, if we actually put some more thought into the decision making process, however small or large, there is a huge potential to make better choices, that will contribute to our happiness.